A letter to my daughter

My sweet Emelia,

You wouldn't know it from looking at this blog lately, but you turned one a little over a month ago.  I can't believe how much you have grown and changed since the last time I blogged.  I also can't believe how few blogs I've written since you were born.  I feel the need to explain a few things to you.

First, my failure to blog as frequently about you as I did Oliver does not reflect how much I love you.  It is simply a reflection of how much more time it takes to have two kids instead of one.  But, being a parent of two doesn't explain it either.  You see, your Grandpa Mike died before you turned one.  In December.  He had been sick for a while, and I spent as much time with him as I could this year.  And when I wasn't with Grandpa Mike, I was home with you and Oliver; singing songs and reading books, playing and cuddling, not blogging. 

Over the next few days and weeks, I hope to do some catching up.  I have notes in various notebooks about things that I intended to blog about, when I had time.  I hope that focusing for a while on all the wonderful things that happend this year with you and your brother will help to heal my broken heart.

Please know this, as hard as the last year has been for me, nothing made me happier than snuggling with you and your brother.  Even during the darkest days, your gap-toothed grin and chuckle would make my heart soar.  I will always equate your first year with my Dad's last.  I wish this wasn't the case. But every happy moment we have together is that much brighter because of the darkness.

I can't wait to see you grow and changed into the smart, strong and beautiful young woman you will become.  I am so proud to be your Mama.

Hugs and a million kisses.